I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
