being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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