Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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