he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
