why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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