I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
