If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
