Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
