Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
