my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
