I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
