im gay
i know
yea but for you.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He kissed a someone with a penis
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
