All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
