are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
