this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
