I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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