You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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