Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
