: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
