Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
