there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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