Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
