Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
