i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
