I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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