Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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