using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
