Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
