In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
