i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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