mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We're too hungover to prance.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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