I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
