And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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