you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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