A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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