Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
