In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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