Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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