Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
