oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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