Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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