I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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