i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
