i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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