I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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