when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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