Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
