you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
