I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
