# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
