Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
